It has been a WHILE since I last posted anything on here and I apologise. More so, to myself than to anyone else. Because I swore that I wouldn’t fall off, in the sense of consistently putting out content. However, from the looks of things at the moment, that is exactly what is happening.
The first thing that people will assume is that I’m probably going through something tough in my life… NOPE. I’ve never felt more content or happy than I currently do. If I’m being honest, I’ve just been preoccupied with something else… and that something else is READING.
Not many people know, but I use to love to bury my nose in a novel when I was growing up. A mini escape from the real world. A place where my imagination could run riot. I was a book worm, 100%. Many factors took me away from this infatuation: Puberty, Girls, Peer Pressure, Insecurity etc.
I just stopped reading one day and it became extremely hard for me to pick up a book and really enjoy it after that. However, recently I feel like I’ve broken through that barrier and rekindled my love for novels and reading as a whole. It couldn’t have come at a better time too. With too much social media and constantly comparing myself with others on social media. Plus the excessive use Twitter/Instagram/Snapchat.
It got to the point where I would wake up in the morning, and the first thing I’d do is go through those social platforms. Like say I had notifications to check. I HAD NONE. I did this religiously.
Social media is an incredible creation and if used right, can make you a shitload of money. But too much of it is toxic, especially if you start to compare yourself to others.
People will say they don’t do such, but if you’re using it in excess, the way I was. Subconsciously you will. There’s no doubt about it. And that just plants seeds of self doubt, insecurity and feelings of unnecessary envy towards others online.
Reading has been that alternative I go to whenever I have the urge to jump on social media and “scroll”. Especially now it’s the summer holidays and I have a considerable about of free time on my hands. Gym has played a part too but reading is the key factor here. I learn new words everyday, my vocabulary has improved a lot. It feels good, can’t even lie to you.
Even the matter of girls, I use be so eager to interact with the opposite sex, mainly because my friends were so vocal about it. Group-chats would be popping with stories, which of course won’t be shared. But I’m sure you get the drift. In a way it’s like a kind of peer-pressure, I didn’t want to be left out. So I’d often than not, “force” conversations with a handful of girls. Jumping into DM’s I had no business being in and then wondered why the talks wouldn’t progress forward into something significant. More than half of these girls were strangers and I wasn’t planning on meeting them. Even if I said I was.
Shoutout to the guys that can juggle multiple girls at a time because I tried it and failed LOL. I’m not about that life at all man. I find it a challenge to even chase one girl, I’m too lazy and it’s something I seriously sit down and think about because does that make me a melt or… I don’t know.
I’m such an introvert it hurts, I enjoy my bedroom so much. Social settings aren’t my thing at all, unless it’s with close friends and/or family. All the parties I’ve gone to have been forced on my part. I didn’t really want to go. The mandem will probably read this and be shocked… or maybe they won’t. They’ll let me know when they see it.
But anyway, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m not a very social person and I’m cool with that, small talk is not my strong point and I’m not afraid of silence so that makes me socially awkward I guess. I could say it’s because of my stutter but I’ve out grown the anxiety that it use to give me. And I like to be vocal about it nowadays so it’s never on my mind as much anymore.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a creep that will stare at you at a function and not say a word. I will speak and make conversation if I’m spoken to. I’m a grown man c’mon.
I’ve just given up on forcing the whole “outgoing” persona. It’s tiring and it was taking a toll on me, foreal.
Anyway, this a little too deep. Let’s liven things up! Tion Wayne is fresh home & cooking up some summer bangers, the SUN has been cooking us in the UK for a good month & a bit and POWER is back on TV. I’m happy af at the moment.
Time to jump back on my blogging business because I’m serious about it.